I don’t know what I am trying to figure out, it should be simple enough to make sense to me

My mind keeps racing at times. Figuring out the next step, or thinking about the last one, or sometimes just paying attention to what is being spoken around me or how someone is sitting on a chair or smiling at me or arranging their hair in certain way while looking at the mirror or any other subtleties that keep getting registered somewhere without any official acknowledgement between my conscious and my memory. Eyes move around the room, see the distance and come back to my screen, and I might have been thinking about the letter I wrote to myself on my last birthday. I should read it, but all of this is beside the point of this post.

Sometimes I want to leave all of it. I want to be free of it. I wanna watch sloppy kitty videos or dive deep into books I have never read before or look at the picture of strangers to think about how their lives would have been or be someone else I have not even met before, something out-worldly and something I have never felt before. I know “routine keeps me alive, helps me pass the time”, but this feels natural to me too, feeling this way, needing something of which I know nothing. Looking at the world with new pair of eyes, with something different on a mind, a new series of thoughts, and how they get made and processed, and come out. Being that and nothing more for a while.

I feel we have been and are stuck in this body for a very long period of time and its hard to shut that little voice. It keeps echoing in the corners, the universe. That energy, in whatever form, is there and it is what we are, that’s all we are. It keeps taking us on different adventures, on unusual paths, on drunk voyages, on a simple routine.

When I realise that there is no other way I could have been, I know–that I am not replaceable, and I begin to understand the importance of being just one with one simple routine, because all you need is one, to be it. Our whole identity is around one. One is our default state.

Circle is another thing that I find interesting but I will talk about it some other day.

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